bonstrosity

I've applied to work at a bank, because I fucking hate my job right now. It's stressful, and two others have already gone on to other jobs because they hated it so much.

And just now. Oh my god. Another episode of the FUCKING AIR CONDITIONING WARS. I asked grandma why she hated me, and I, FOR ONCE, had LOGIC ready to go, and explained reasons of keeping the fucking air conditioner on. And she explained if I had an AC in my room (and only my room), the ELECTRICITY BILL WOULD NOT GO UP. Because for some unknown reason, running MORE ELECTRICITY would not work like that.

What. The. FUCK.

And so yes, I asked her if she understood. And she said 'Yes' in that haughty 'I understand nothing but what I am thinking and what I am thinking is right, so fucking suck it'. And I told her she doesn't care. And why didn't she just care about me. Because that's the fucking issue. She thinks I'm just a spoiled brat of a kid who doesn't... I just should always be ashamed of myself for apparently trying REALLY FUCKING HARD the last FUCKING YEAR. And that I should regret basically being born, because I've done nothing but be a leech (Do not get me fucking started on how fucking leech-like my uncle has been in his life. I love him, but he's begged/STOLEN more from her than I even fucking know. Fuck that.) and that because I quit school and that I fucking shut down after my dad died, and I HAVE NO FUCKING CHILDREN, I'm not as good as I can be. And I"m a failure.

FUck you, Granmda. I fucking hate you. I hate you so much. And god dammit, why the fuck don't you care about me and why does the sound of my voice bother you and you turn up the tv, and yet get pissed if I am talking on the phone and won't listen to you.

I'm broken. Fucking broken. Work has been.. machines replaced us. And now I'm working the machines more and I'm just so sore and exhausted and stressed, because the acting manager is such a dickhead, even though he is better now and then, and he made my mom cry by being a confusing asshole, and I fucking hate it there. I will not tolerate being someone's faceless pawn, and someone who isn't worth anything. I've had enough of that here, with grandma.

And fuck you further, universe, for making us shell out another 200 fucking dollars on the fucking ignition on the fucking car on Friday.

God. I hope my interview goes well tomorrow. This week is fucking abysmal.

So. I today went to the doctor, after leaving work, cause I threw up.

I have a stomach virus that's going around. My doctor, who loathes giving out prescriptions, gave me three. Anti-spasm stomach, anti-nausea, and an anti-biotic.

Bleh.

And the system at work has been down the past couple of days, so while we've gotten returns done fine, we're behind on shipping. We have to ship at least three times dvds than what we normally do tomorrow. And I fear what other, bigger hubs have to ship.

All in all it's a crap week.

I haven't read my flist in... awhile. So if you've already seen this recced, well, okay. LOL.

Indelible</b> by shaenie. A McShep fic that is novel-length.

I just spent the past several hours reading it. And doing nothing else.

I absolutely recommend that if you like SGA, have seen up to season three (or don't care about being spoiled), do not mind McShep, you read it. It's one of the best stories I've ever read. It's utterly indescribably... it exhibits the raw power of a well-told story. It's rich and alive and intense, it's just fantastic. I really wish I had the words to convey how totally awesome it is. Gah.

So yes. Go read that. :D

(and hi. i've been antisocial and antsy and nervous, because work... yeah. will post about it when things are actually more known. bah.)

GIP. LOVE THIS ICON SO MUCH. Thank you Mo!

Really, all of you should be on the Dr. Horrible bandwagon if you are not already, though, I assume most of you are. I haven't read my flist yet, and am kind of terrified to try lol. So... if there's something important and you are like 'dammit, Bonster, pay attention', er, feel free to post here. :D

I am home. More details about Comic Con and Disney and the California trip in general will be forthcoming, but right now, I'm tired. And somewhat stressed.

My boss? My wonderful, awesometastic boss? Was fired while I was gone. And work apparently is really stress'y right now. Oh joy. Thank god I only go one day this week. But dudes... gah. I can't believe I will never see my boss again. He was just so awesome. I feel bereft about this.

And me and grandma are already having air conditioning issues. Ugh. I did not miss her at all. Lame.

In other, much less horrendous news... mom took the car over to the garage to my boyfriend my Mechanic!Crush on Friday or Thursday or something to see why the hell the service engine light kept coming on for no reason. And then she invited him to the apartment cookout thing that one of the neighbors was having. Mom was also making stuff for it.

Mechanic came. But the cookout? Was cancelled due to neighbor having something else come up.

Mom cooked for him anyway. And when she asked what he drank, he said Dr. Pepper. Do you know how much this pleases me??? :D :D :D

Also. He asked where I was.

Hell. To the. Yeah.

But. I WAS NOT HERE BECAUSE THIS WAS SATURDAY. *CRIES* I was sitting in room 5AB at Comic Con watching the Kyle XY panel, the Things that Go Bump panel (with Joe Hill and Max Brooks among others!), the Oddball Comics panel (lolz to funneh comic covers and the smelly tranny that sat behind me), the Joe Hill spotlight, the Legion of Super-Heroes panel (I was nearly strung up when it was found I wasn't a fan yet had such a good seat), and the Playing God panel (with Jim Butcher, and other authors I now want to read, as they were much fun). So. Yes. All that? Rather worth it.

But my crush was here. I could have had DINNER WITH HIM. SIGH. Awful timing universe. Awful timing. FIX IT.

*pets icon again*

So. Going to California in just over 14 hours (that's when I"ll be boarding mah plane). Going to go and hang with Morgan verycleanindeed and Holly kindoftrouble and Gussie (Morgan's doggie!). And we will be going to Disneyland early next week and Comic Con next Thursday. Staying until Sunday.

Dude. *asplode*

I'm like, going numb from how excited I am. I'm not done packing, but I don't have much to go. And gahhhhlksdjflsjdfskldf.

We go to Western Sizzlin regularly (it's a steakhouse with a fantastic salad bar with great variety), and our favorite waitress, when finding out I was going was 'awww, take me with you!' (which is what most of my co-workers have said, without the aww, lol). And then she asked if mom was going, and I said no. And she said "aahh, got a secret boyfriend then!" like seriously. It was an aha moment for her.

I do not have a secret boyfriend, or a boyfriend. Though, a neighbor also assumed it. WTF. I'm going to hang out with my GIRL BUDDIES. Though there may be some ogling of boys I'd ungay for (Hello, Flanigan-but-I-will-pretend-is-Sheppard so can ogle. Hello Shaaaaaaaanks.), there will be much more girl ogling (as oh. my. god. Geek. Girls. Yay.). So dammit. I'm not straight, and I am not having a secret fling. lol.

Also, dude from work asked mom to ask me to call him so he can tell me to meet certain people out there.

If he pays me then yes. LOL. Or if it coincides with mee own interests, as dude. Seriously. Not going to have time to sprint hither and thither.

LOLZ. Don't you wish you had these sorts of problems only????

Dude. I GET TO SEE THE OCEAN ON SATURDAY YAYYAYAYYAY.

JESUS FUCK I AM DED.

Jim Butcher, followed by in the same room so I don't have to move, 24, with KIEFER SUTHERLAND and CARLOS BERNARD.

And MST3K that night, and a Spaced screening.

Oh my holy god. I am dead just from Friday.

Also, I will miss the SGA panel, because it conflicts with the Spaced panel, and SPACED NEEDS LOVE.

*continues reading Saturday's schedule*

The car overheated Thursday, and we didn't get to get it checked out until today. But yes, that means I saw my crush again. Wooooot. His eyes are light blue, with a rim of DARK BLUE, PEOPLE. Guh.

Anyway, it was just a loose something or other on the radiator. And we got a fluids change-out just in case, and as it's part of 'summer' maintenance.

Cars can be annoying.

WOrked at 5am yesterday and today. So tired.

Am getting SGA season four from Netflix!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GET TO SEE IT! I get to see what so many say that "Sheppard is SO GAY". Okay, maybe only the slashers say that... lol.

Mmm. Sheppard. *ungays* Joe Flanigan will be at Comic Con. I should tell him I would ungay for Sheppard, but not him. I wonder what he'd say.

And that brings me to my dreams last night!

In one, there was a bear attacking everyone. MOSTLY ME THOUGH. And he got my toe at one point. That shit hurt, yo!! And omg, the paranoia in the dream... I felt safe nowhere. It was terrifying.

And in the other dream, there were some pictures of David Hewlett in a maroon/gold silk robe thing, and he was sitting on a couch. Next to a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Sheppard in a similar robe.

Seriously. My brain is fun.

So. We all know I have major fucking issues with Grandma not wanting to turn on the fucking air conditioning .

So this three day weekend, I am home. DUH. It is above 95. My room faces east (with huge windows) and the parking lot. So in the mornings, it is fucking HOT. I mean, I wake up drenched in sweat, my pillow fucking yellowing because of the SWEAT. I haven't had to wake up like that since I didn't HAVE air conditioning nearly 10 fucking years ago. And even then? My dad got us a fucking window unit.

So yesterday. It's really fucking hot in here, and the whole apartment for once, I turn on the big ac. Because fuck it, I am not dealing with the stress of last year, as the stress last year? Witness the fruits of that labor. So fucking hell no to being super stressed because I can't be cool for more than 10 fucking minutes.

This morning, it's HOT. She has her fucking little ac on, and is COVERED UP. You know why she covers up? It isn't because she's cold anymore, I don't think, it's so that I FEEL SORRY FOR HER AND HOW COLD SHE IS. Well I fucking don't, you fruitcake. I hate you and you have no respect for me, and why the fuck should I have respect for you when I hope you fucking croak any fucking day, except then we have to deal with the fucking expenses of a funeral.

I really said goodbye to her so long ago. When she's nice, I go 'aww, thanks old lady!'; when she's mean I just explode into rage, because I cannot keep control of my temper.

Know what else she did this morning?

I was showing mom the bruises on my legs (I bruise a lot and easily). And I said "it's probably from when I was laying in the middle of the street" at the reception, LOL. Because I was so wasted, but I still remember things. Anyway, grandma asks, "Were you raped?" I look at her in utter BAFFLEMENT. "No" "Did you rape anyone?" "What the hell? No."

Yes. And she didn't laugh, or anything that would indicate she was joking. She seriously asked that shit. And I think if I would have said yes to the first, she would have said something that meant 'you deserved it'.

Clearly, we bring out the best in each other.

I really can't wait for California. Sigh.

Ooookay, went back to sleep this morning after my post, woke up 7 hours later, not drunk! Yay! lol.

No headache, though I definitely feel a bit... I drank, I can tell lol.

In other news, livelongnmarry is a fantastic idea. <3!

Too bad I am poor. D'oh. *enjoys reading what is on offer anyway*

That's what Bobby said.

Well, he did, when he said what the vegan zombie would say. Get it??? LOL

Okay, so I went to a wedding reception last night. At work yesterday I felt like crap warmed over.

So then at the reception, I didn't know if I'd drink or anything, as I didn't know how I felt.

Oh god. I drank. I drank margarita mix with tequila, then with vodka when I couldn't find more tequila, then when there was more tequila, put too much into one cup, so then I had to poor the excess in with the vodka (and margarita mix).

So yes. Me and mom (as yes, I party HARDCORE. Mom slept on the reception host's couch, while I got drunk, lol. OH dude, I smoked a clove cigarette too, a cinammon one. huh), me and mom left at 4am.

It is now 8:40am, and when I got home, I immediately went to bed. I am awake now.

And I am still drunk.

Oh fuck.

... only not, as it's daylight, lol.

TWO WEEKS FROM TOMORROW IS CALIFORNIA TRIP!!!!

And kindoftrouble is bringing me soap from England! Because it's cheaper there than here. I am getting Honey I Washed the Kids from Lush. I've never had any kind of Lush product, so this is new! And HONEY! Me like.

And the aquiring of soap is at all times approved by verycleanindeed, as she is... very clean indeed! And has a tag called 'bonster's brain' and it has had 24 uses!! LOL

Today was fine at work. My boss high-fived me, lol. And my other boss just about broke into tears in fear and desperation, because while I'm gone (and I really do a lot of random crap at times), main boss will also be gone for over a week of that time. So yes, other boss is horrified. lol.

And! I have Dragon Ball Z movies to watch! FEAR ME! And my stupid love of that series. I am SO READY to watch some Goku and Vegeta action. <3 x INFINITY

... This was a really random entry. \m/^_^\m/

- Hammond of Texas. That is so, so sad. It hit me harder than George Carlin for some reason. Maybe because George was lookin raggedy when I saw him live in 2000, so I was amazed he lived as long as he did, heh.

- One of my grandma's sisters died this weekend, too. I didn't know her at all, but grandma is bummed. Which actually doesn't make her less mean to me, so really, eh.

- Saw Wall-E on Friday. Wow. So much awesome. It was glorious and cute and awe-inspiring and just damn good. <3

- I got an idea for a fic in my head at work. Why I get ideas while at work when there is no possible way to write them down until break or lunch or I get home, I do not know. But really. There needs to be more Werewolf Sheppard. And if there isn't, there should be a Cube AU with Sheppard as Ezri Dax Nicole deBoer and McKay as Worth and Kolya as crazy-angry-nutso guy. But a more happy ending, lol.

- the 86 chevy cavalier we got for 300 bucks from Mechanic!Crush and his roommate is still running. I approve. And the AC still works. I definitely approve.

- Good god. Two weeks from Thrusday I will be on a plane, then in California, where verycleanindeed will greet me at the airport. And then we will go to In-N-Out, then to her home to her Gussie (yay DOGGIEEEEEEE). Then it is Alias season one watching time (I've seen s2-s5, just not s1, even though Mo got me 1-3 & and her and Holly both got me s5). Then on that Saturday it is time to go to touristy things in LA! Before we pick up kindoftrouble. Then the Monday and Tuesday we go to DISNEYLAND. Then Thursday we go to COMIC CON.

Anyone else going to Comic Con? I ask that a lot, but whatever, maybe one of you suddenly is lol.

- Also... can someone upload/e-mail me that Phantom Planet California song? The OC theme thing? Because really, I don't have it, I like it, and I sure think it'd be awesome to have right now. :D My e-mail be jack_lemmon_pie at yahoo.com

Dudes. My flist is awesome. *snooooogles*

:D

But... I may never chat with anyone again. Because.

I have found the joy that is emulators. I dl'd SNES and NES. And have been playing Arcana and Princess Tomato today. And will quite likely do so forever.

I love you and I will miss you. I promise to think of you once in awhile, when I try to hit someone and Percy says "What an awful thing to do!" LOL.

*goes back to trying to defeat the Farmies*

P.S. GIP, made by the awesome cowsparkle. <3

My dad would have been 60 today.

I miss him.

Some of my fave quotes by the man himself...

"Imagine meeting your maker and finding out it's Frito-Lay."

"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere,someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people overthere on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'"

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!"

"You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits."

I'm so, so glad I got to see you live, front row, in the tiny Calvin Theater in Northampton those years ago, you awesome man who swam in the Hudson River when young. RIP. :(

And a meme'ish thing. Gakked from skywaterblue. Top 100 Sci-Fi authors according to SFX... yeah, this is list more SFF not Sci-Fi, because... yeah. Call it Speculative Fiction for a better umbrella, heh. Bolded are the ones I've read (some only half of a book, but whatever, it counts as it's longer than a short story, lol. Plus some of them are short stories. I'm looking at you Anne McAffrey, which I can't even begin to remember which damn story it was.)

( Who the hell are some of these people? )

So. Mechanic brought the car HERE. At 10pm. After talking the dude down from 600 to 300. And checking out the car once again to make sure it'd work for us.

And I? Have a massively huge crush on said mechanic. Huge.

He took me outside, made me start the car, turn on the AC (A CAR WITH AC!!!), and you know, as I don't drive, I was like 'this is awesome! I don't drive' lol.

And then he stopped me on the way back in to talk about why he felt compelled to help us out, and how he'd been to prison for stupid mistakes (I so. so. adore him.), and was just... sharing and being open and gahhh. He has really pretty blue eyes.

And then mom and the guy came out of the apartment. DAMMIT. INTERRUPTING THE MOMENT!!!!!!!

So then mom goes out to the car, starts it, plays, etc.

Mechanic and guy are going to leave, but mechanic keeps talking, even though the guy is edging around their car to the passenger side to leave. And mom kind of wanted to go in, too.

But mechanic kept talking and talking and sharing about his life. And I'm rather ridiculously enamoured.

And then when we were really going in, mom hugged him as a thank you. And that was TOTALLY PERMISSION for me to do so, too. And I took advantage of that, hell yeah. It was such a great hug. He rubbed his hands on my back, people. GAHHHH. And it was just awesome. And longer than his and mom's and yes. *sigh*

Ridiculous, ridiculous crush. Sigh.

Today. The transmission and the radiator in the god damned cadillac blew.

To get new ones, it'd be over 2000 dollars. So no.

The mechanic who worked on it knows a guy though, who is selling a chevy cavalier for 300 bucks. That is much better than 2000.

So yeah. Maybe this next one will run for more than a damned month.

:(

So. verycleanindeed has quieted my worries about my plane ticket (yes, plane ticket, now, as the bus costs more than it used to, eff you oil companies). Quieted big time. I love her. She is the best human on this earth (besides my mom, and maybe Sofy, *wink*).

The loan thing was just the thing that kinda broke me after all the stress. I'm better now.

Work is work. 8 hours a day now. Which is fine with me, I was productive today, huzzah.

In other news... people who are intolerant of other religions/viewpoints really piss me the fuck off. I'm in a swapping group on yahoo (though I will soon not be, as I am fucking leave that noise), and the owner said that people are not allowed to send 'wiccan' things because 1) she is a christian and 2) she does not believe wicca is a religion. As someone who was exploring different paths (including wicca), I'm completely baffled. Because wtf is exactly 'wiccan'? And hello, swappers send candles all the time, and those dude? Are totally wiccan. Glitter? Can be wiccan (decorate yon altar!). I'm just... peeved as all get out.

How can a true christian... deny other people their own beliefs? Christ would so not have been down with that. He was about love and variety. It's the cocksucking asshole people in charge of Christianity who got all psycho and said "Difference is BAD. CONFORM." Ugh.

Other beliefs should enhance and bring to fruition your own beliefs. They should reaffirm. Not be something to run away from or deny.

This really sucks, man. I liked that group a lot, but I cannot sit by and participate with people who do that, and don't expect someone to argue (she said please take any comments off list... how fucking ridiculous, when her diatribe is on list, why the fuck can't a response be on it?). The girl is a nice girl. I don't dislike her, I just think this view of hers is ludicrous and offensive. And I'm American, so dammit, I can think that. And get the hell out of her group.

Ugh.

No loan for me. Car cost 180. Have 60 dollars to last until next Friday now. Can't buy my plane ticket, still have to pay 200 in rent. When next Friday comes, there goes 300 to plane ticket, 200 to rent. My entire check.

This is really fucking depressing.

I just watched the Remembering Tim Russert on NBC. I cannot stop crying. Seeing Tom Brokaw get choked up and almost not able to complete... and seeing how loved Tim was, and it's Father's Day (which is already hard for me)... I'm just bereft.

Rest in peace, Tim Russert. You were one hell of a guy.